who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
