Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
