i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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