OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
