I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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