I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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