Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
