tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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