what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
