My Higher Power is John Stamos
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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