The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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