Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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