Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
