We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
