So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
