She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
