I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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