Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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