respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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