I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
