There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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