I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
