I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
