No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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