Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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