I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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