I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
