So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
