I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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