So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
