I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
