woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
