i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are the jesus of drinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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