he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
