JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
