Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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