She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
