He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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