you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize