They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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