There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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