Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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