been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
