ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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