It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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