you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
