I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
