Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
