I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
