The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Blood and glitter go together right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
