I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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