okay pat passed out under dana's car
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
