So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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