I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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