thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
