So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
