help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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