about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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