hotel room ftw
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
