Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
