Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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