I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
