I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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