I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize