didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
