I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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