@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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