How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
