I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
