I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
