just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
