There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You are a genius and a whore.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
