im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
