yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
