did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
