If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
