I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
