i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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