Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
