You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
