i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
