I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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