I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
