It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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