great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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