i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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